Celebrating Brian's Birthday

MD and I decided to drive up the coast and do a little exploration and to send some far away birthday wishes to Brian on September 18th.  Throughout this this deployment, I have not cried for missing Brian; however, a couple days before Brian's Bday and on his birthday, I found myself crying several times.  It was hard to hold back the tears as they have been few and far in between since May.  There have been a few almost moments and some highly stressful times but around Brian's birthday I became pretty emotional.

As we all might know, I am fiercely independent and have a strong sense of self.  Truth be told to the world and all reading this

 (laughing as I am sure there are not many readers.. insert crickets chirping) this deployment is wearing on me.  And *gasp* I need Brian.  I did not realize how much of a team we actually were/are.  

So the good news,  this deployment has given me a new found appreciation for Brian, our marriage and our quality of life as a family.  Bad news,  this new awareness of co-dependence has me missing Brian pretty badly and all that he does for me and this family.  He rocks.  (this post will self destruct before Brian gets to read it as I am sure I will never hear the end of it...)

Mikko-Dakota was crying again last night for his daddy.  I can be at my wit's end with MD and all the power struggling that has taken place throughout the day but when he is choking on his tears because he is screaming and crying, "I want daddy. I want daddy."  It breaks my heart.  All frustration and desires to hang my child by his toe nails vanishes.  Instincts take over and the warm comforting love that only a mama can give blankets my crying child to soften the hurt of daddy being gone for so long.  I know the warmth I provide will only last so long because what he truly wants is his daddy.

I am so proud of Brian for what he is doing and how hard he worked to accomplish a dream he has had since he was seven years old(become a naval aviator).  Even with all the stress of deployment, we would not change his career for anything.  He is passionate about his job as I am about mine.  This being my first deployment and Brian's first leaving a child behind; we have had to learn some new life lessons.   Not to say deployments will get easier but the learning curve lessens and we will have a better understanding of what to expect with MD and how to handle it.  

I apologize, in general, for my lack of organization, call backs and emails.. I have found myself more than behind with everything that I do, think, say or try to do as I am learning a new balancing act.  I am confident that i will be able to balance everything but it is going to take some time adjusting and tweaking.  
 
The military spouse community is an interesting subculture.  Fascinating actually.  Trying to live outside of it and observe it while you are actually living knee deep in it is an entirely different story.  Now that is truly another post or ten.  

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